Weathered
by Warrose
Summary: Another songfic about Kai. She had lost her memory during a battle is starting to remember bits and pieces of her past, with the help of the other five pilots. She sees all the destruction the gundams cause, but doesn't know why.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the gundam wing characters, sadly only the one I created. Nor do I own the song, Weathered, Creed does.

_~I lie awake on a long, dark night; I can't seem to tame my mind. Slings and arrows are killing me inside; maybe I can't accept the life that's mine. No, I can't accept the life that's mine. ~_

Kai got out of bed after staring at the ceiling for about two hours. She just couldn't go to sleep. Her mind was racing with memories. The past few days had been totally crazy for both her and the other five gundam pilots.

Kai had been suffering for amnesia for almost two months. The others became worried about her, so they decided to hide out for awhile. They didn't want Kai to get hurt worst. Each one of them cared too much for her to have anything else happen to her. It really hurt them that she could barely remember their names; let alone what has happened to them all.

Kai made her way to the couch in the living room. She had spent many a night thinking, trying to remember anything. Recently she had started to remember who she was and what she has done in her life. She would usually sit on the couch, watching the news until she finally fell asleep. She would usually wake up in her bed, thanks to either Heero or Trowa.

Kai still couldn't believe what she was. She couldn't believe that she would kill hundreds of people for the freedom of millions. Quatre and Duo had finally convinced her that what they were all doing was for the good of the people. They also told her that it was her that created the gundams, but she wasn't quite sure that she meant for them to be used in that way.

She just didn't feel that killing hundreds would bring freedom to millions. She watched the news at night, seeing the affect the gundams really had on the world. The media's opinion of the gundams were negative, and probably wasn't the opinion of the people. Kai didn't care for the whole thing at all.

_ ~Simple living is my desperate cry. Been trading love with indifference, yeah it suits me just fine. I try to hold on, but I'm calloused to the bone. Maybe that's why I feel alone. Maybe that's why I feel so alone. ~_

Kai decided to take a look at some old photo albums to help jog her memory. Everyone continued to tell her how she loved Heero and Duo so much, but she didn't understand why she would love someone who would kill many without a care.

Kai opened up an old, tattered album. Duo had told her it was filled with pictures of her life when she lived on her planet, Myria. It was filled with happy pictures of her brother, her sisters, her parents and her gundam. She must've loved the machine very much, because there were many pictures of it.

She vaguely remembered each picture and the story behind them. Each picture would bring a small smile to Kai's face, but there would always be a frown behind it since she couldn't remember why she wasn't with her family anymore or on Myria.

Kai continued through the whole album and then stopped on the last page. She looked at the picture strangely. It was a picture of a tall, handsome, platinum haired man. He was in a military uniform and held himself well. There was something about him that Kai couldn't put her finger on. Just looking at the picture made her feel both angry and something else that she wasn't familiar with. It could have been love. Yet she couldn't understand why he wasn't with her as well.

_~Me, I'm rusted and weathered, barely holding together. I've covered in skin that peels and it just won't heal. ~_

Kai looked at a picture of herself when she was younger. She had long, red hair that was neatly pulled back with a black ribbon. Her stormy blue eyes were filled with happiness and her skin was a tan color.

Kai looked at herself in a mirror. Her scarred face was hidden by her long, ratty, red hair. Her stormy blue eyes were now filled with sadness and despair. Her skin had lost all its color for she was paler than the white walls of the bathroom she was in.

It had only been six years since she had that picture taken, but time had changed her. She wasn't the same person anymore. There had to have been something major that must've happened to make her the way she was, or maybe life had just weathered her out.

_ ~The sun shines and I can't avoid the light; I think I'm holding on to life too tight. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust; sometimes I feel like giving up. Sometimes I feel like giving up. ~_

Kai stayed up to watch the sunlight fill up the house. Moment by moment, more memories flooded her memory. Most of them were of the gruesome battles she had fought with the other pilots. She could feel how she had felt in battle. She had no remorse for the people she was killing, but she couldn't understand why.

_~Me, I'm rusted and weathered, barely holding together. I'm covered in skin that peels and it just won't heal. ~_

It was like she could remember everything that she had ever done. Yet there was always one question in her mind that would go unanswered: Why? What exactly was the reason she was in her gundam kill people? Kai was getting fed up with her memories, reliving them but not understanding them. She was almost ready to give up searching for a reason why.

_~The day, reminds me of you. The night hides your truth. The earth is a voice speaking to you. Take all this pride and leave it behind. Because one day ends, and one day we die. Believe what you will, that is your right. But I choose to win; I choose to fight, to fight. ~_

Kai went to put the album away when a note fell out. She picked it and looked at it. It was an old piece of paper that must've been given to her a long time ago. She was curious at what was on it and what it meant to her. She unfolded it.

"My beloved Ky. You must hate me now. I killed your family right in front of you and now I've brought you here to Earth and imprisoned you in this mansion alone. It is the will of OZ that I must follow. If it were me, I would have never killed anyone. I would have traded my life on Earth to live with you on Myria. I'm the only reason that Treize didn't order you dead too. I feel in love with you immediately. Please forgive me. Zechs." Kai read out loud. She noticed more notes in the very back of the album. Kai took the all out and started to read them.

"Kai, I don't know why you've changed. I don't know why you're fighting me. If this is revenge, I don't know what for. Or maybe I just don't want to accept the fact that I have forced this on you. If we meet in combat, we will both see who really has changed. Millardo."

"Millardo, I want nothing to do with you. The only thing I will do for you is end your life like you did my family and my people. You don't deserve your life or the love I gave to you. Masquerader and I will make sure that you will die. For good."

Kai put the album up and sat down on the couch again. She had finally found the answer to most of her questions. Now all she had to do is remember all of those memories between her and Zechs. She got up and walked to her room. She finally decided to go to sleep on her own. She may have been weathered by life and what Zechs did to her, but she wasn't going to let that get in her way of whatever the other gundam pilots fight for. She was going to continue to fight by there side.

_ ~Me, I'm rusted and weathered, barely holding together. I'm covered in skin that peels and it just won't, covered in skin that peels and it just won't heal. ~_


End file.
